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How to lose weight : for who's looking for efficient method

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How to lose weight and four easy steps 

step 1 : no beer every time you drink a beer it's like eating seven slices of bread that's a lot of unnecessary carbs 



step 2 : portion control when eating out at a restaurant cut your meal in half and ask for a takeout container to save the rest for later 

step 3 :  have your heart broken and not just broken but shattered by a girl who never loved you and never will
try to get your shit together and join a gym start going to the gym regularly and even though you don't know that much
about exercise and you're way too weak  to do pretty much anything but lift five pound weights with the old people do it
until your sweat makes a puddle on the floor then go home and go to bed and the next day do it again and then again and
then again then go to work and listen to stories of your ex-girlfriend fucking around with gross and terrible people
stories from your coworker friends who think they're doing you a favor pretend that it doesn't bother you pretend that being forced to see your ex at work everyday isn't fucking killing
you pretend that everything's fine go to the gym and make more puddles of sweat buy books learn about different muscle
groups and how they work together plan out your week of meals try to forget her back to the gym or puddles of sweat near a piece of shit you are a piece of shit you are a piece of shit after the gym one night go all the way up to the top
of the parking garage and walk all the way to the back look out of the lights of the skyscrapers of downtown and think
about how every single one of those office lights represents a person try to imagine how they feel what they're doing
then realize that most of those lights are probably shining into offices with no one in them realize you're alone that
you're staring at no one become cripplingly depressed and try to locate your car go to sleep go back to work go to the
gym sweat freak the fuck out on your ex the next day apologize
one day she wears the necklace you bought her and tells you that you got it from someone really special that night you discover that Slayers angel death might be the perfect song to
do squats to start to make friends at the gym used to look down on bro nods and fist bumps but since that's how gym
rats communicate that's become the language you speak most often max and you spot each other on Wednesdays Vinny
and you spot each other on Fridays important not to forget that you're a piece of shit work gym food sleep over a
note or fist bump some more sweat puddles your body changes slowly then all at once you hit your goal weight
pick a new one then hit it again you go out and buy new clothes you recieve wave after wave of compliments your ex tells
you that she's seeing someone else fucking bullshit peace that night you go to the gym do you run farther and lift
more than you thought your body was capable of you go home and eat a single chicken breast and steamed vegetable you
go to sleep you dream of a bottomless black puddle no no there's a girl you see a lot at the gym who always does
these weird leg exercises you've never seen before you make it a point not to look at her because you're overly worried about looking creepy like that guy in the blue shirt who never wears
underwear and always hangs around the flat pull down machine but you notice this girl is always at the gym when you are and seems to always choose the bench next to you you turn up the Slayer and concentrate on making your puddles
bigger at work your ex parades or new boyfriend around flatly ignoring you the entire time he's taller than you in
better shape than you and significantly better looking than you
fucking bullshit that night you benchpress double your
body weight you seek a photo of yourself in the mirror and email to yourself with the subject heading you are a warrior
the next day you are more disgusted with yourself and you've ever been and you delete it immediately
you make puddle after puddle after puddle any single chicken breasts and work and sleep over and over and over
and over and over and over and then something different happens a night comes when you're not the last person in
the gym it's you and the girl who does the weird leg exercises you end up walking out at the same time her name is Melissa and she works close by she asks you out to dinner on Friday promising it'll be healthy the leg exercises are pivoting curtsy lunges you start seeing Melissa a lot both inside the gym and out you had a couple cheat days to your week you start getting a lot less sleep your ex calls you late a night but you don't answer one night you're walking Melissa to her car and she says she ants to show you something special you both stand there in the dark looking out over the lights of downtown isn't it pretty she says with all those lights you tell her that you think it is but it also makes you feel sad all those lights mean nothing they're just shining into cold lonely offices with nobody in them but Melissa tells you that each light is an empty office but they're only empty because the people have all gone home for the day each one's a person who's at home happy with the one they love you look at around the lights and she smiles something in your chest expands late one Sunday afternoon you're writing out your rent check and realize it's been exactly a year since you started working out you think of all those miles you've run those pounds you've lifted and chicken you've eaten and bottles you've made and it doesn't seem that bad you realize that it's not about hitting a goal weight or lifting weight it's about weighting being patient trusting that life will slowly inch along and things will get better after all change takes time but time is all it takes
step 4 no fruit juice too much sugar
since a Formica which magazine little integrity commerce
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1 commentaire:

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